Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we made out on top of his cat.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
