dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
