OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
