got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She bit a glass in half.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
