This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
