I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
