I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
