Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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