Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
