Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I smell stomach acid.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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