Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
