it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize