you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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