just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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