All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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