There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize