please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
