my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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