we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
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yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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