clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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