erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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