is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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