Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
