i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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