How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
