how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
