Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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