Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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