??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
