my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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