sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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