you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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