your room smells of hookers.
And success
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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