What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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