He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
