So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
