i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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