I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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