I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
