Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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