Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Randomize
