those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
