I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
