Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
