The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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