i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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