Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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