i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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