this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
