sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
