found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
