My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
