She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
