okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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