just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
