At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
