i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
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He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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