I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
