I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
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"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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