What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
