you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
