is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
