Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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