What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I did not marry a roomba.
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