the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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