I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
