I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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