well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
