That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
