It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
