At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
