y did u give ur computer a hand job?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
