the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
