no, he came in my armpit
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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