I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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