i'm signing you up for texting rehab
pop tarts are not kleenex
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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