My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
