what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
