My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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