He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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