just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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